Getting some relief from over-thinking and troublesome thoughts

As I like to say, our brains are amazing! They are so good at keeping us busy, by warning us about all the dangers (real and imagined) in our world and reminding us of all the mistakes we have made. Particularly late at night when we are trying to go to sleep!

It’s very common for us to be bothered by too many thoughts, repetitive thought loops, and negative or unpleasant thoughts that are disturbing, frustrating, and confusing. People sometimes feel seriously overwhelmed by their thoughts.

I want to share a few tactics and strategies that my clients find helpful for handling overthinking, rumination, and intrusive thoughts/images.

First, understand that we cannot control what thoughts we have. They show up, and we are responsible for how we react to our thoughts, but our thoughts do not define us, and they do not tell us what really want or what kind of person we are. Trust me on that one.

It’s not wise to treat our thoughts as enemies to be battled, either. I know that unwanted thoughts can be very punishing, but fighting uses a lot of energy and ultimately doesn’t work. I liken some unwanted thoughts to be like an annoying fly buzzing around the room – exasperating and unfair, but not worth burning the house down to get rid of it.

Thoughts are just thoughts!

One common bit of therapy wisdom is “thoughts are just thoughts”. They are not truths or objects or magical predictions about the future. Sometimes they are just accidents or brain farts – unfortunate byproducts of mental processes. People, especially smart and highly verbal and creative people, tend to be convinced that our thoughts ARE us. They’re just thoughts, folks! Learn to take them less seriously. They’re going to keep coming and going, no matter what we do.

Throw some things in the way!

I recommend people use a variety of strategies to derail the thoughts. The idea is to throw as many roadblocks in the way as you can to prevent or slow the grind of the unwanted thoughts. It’s important that you find “roadblocks” that are immediately available at any time, so “going to the gym” or “watching a movie” is not going to help that much in the moment. It can take multiple tactics and that’s ok. Try a bunch of things and find what works for you.

We are trying to get the brain out of the habit of thinking like this. The worries, repetitive “what ifs”, the scary fantasies etc. are often a super well-worn path in our minds. We want to work on not treading that well-worn path and starting a new path that our brain can take.

When you notice your thoughts are hijacking your brain, give your brain a simple task to do that takes some attention but is not emotionally loaded or connected to the topic your brain is pestering you about.

Examples: making lists of random things like all the foods that begin with the letter R, as many dog breeds or ice-cream flavors as you can remember, naming all 50 states, simple math problems, reciting a song or poem from memory, etc. Do a bunch of them, as needed. Come up with some customized just for you! Your tricky brain will drag you back to the unwanted thoughts, just re-direct and do another simple task.

Sing— It doesn’t matter what you sing or how bad you think you voice is. If you are alone or just don’t care, sing a little song. It can be Row Row Your Boat, it doesn’t matter. Singing lights up a different part of the brain and can lift the mood as well. Humming can also help if you focus on the sensation and sound.

Draw— Draw rows of tiny circles or squares on a sheet of paper. Keeping them round or square and the lines straight takes focus. (Almost nobody seems to want to do this one, but it’s GENIUS, I promise!)
Learn some dance moves or do some other movement that requires you to pay attention and use your body.

Get Grounded— Try the trusty ol’ 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. Engage your senses in the present moment and notice and name 5 things in your immediate environment you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

That Damn Billboard!

Another technique I have for persistent disturbing thoughts and images is to try and imagine that there is a billboard outside your window – and it’s on the property right next to your home. You didn’t put it there, you can’t control what’s on the billboard, but sometimes you are going to see it, and it’s gross or scary or whatever. But you don’t have to stand at the window staring at it, being upset and wishing it wasn’t there. You can tell yourself: that’s not mine, it’s over there, I didn’t choose it, I can’t control it and it’s not about me. I don’t like it and sometimes I will notice it and have feelings about it, but I can just acknowledge that it is there and move on with my day.

I’ve also had people imagine it as a neon sign on their wall they can’t reach because it’s up too high. It’s there, it’s annoying, but you can choose to pay less attention to it even if you can still hear that neon hum.

Clients report this gives them some relief by giving a sense of distance from their bothersome thoughts. Admittedly that’s tough because the thoughts are inside your own head and feel mighty personal and unavoidable but remember – thoughts are just thoughts.

Staying off the on-ramp.

This strategy is about avoiding getting the over-thinking started whenever possible. Often, we don’t realize it’s happening until we are already in the thick of it, but if we can avoid driving on to the over-thinking highway in the first place, that’s helpful. Think about what situations tend to spark the problem – often driving, being alone, and going to sleep are big ones. Try and plan ahead to have your distraction strategies ready to go. Realize that changing habits takes time and practice, but is doable. See my next blog (coming soon!) for a discussion of ways to handle really disturbing intrusive thoughts and images.